On Oct. 10, Liam Payne from One Direction was announced dead at the age of 31.
One of the first things I did when I found out about the passing of Liam Payne, was call my high school best friend. It had been almost two years since we last spoke but that didn’t matter. Nobody would understand the way she did. The band was how we became so close in the first place, from attending their 2014 tour to crying in the middle of math class when Zayn left the group, we held so many memories that connected us not only to each other but to this band.
I don’t think I fully processed that news until three days later. One direction was a major part of my life and the lives of so many growing up. From their x-factor video diaries, to “What Makes You Beautiful,” to their final show in 2015, and everything in between, we were tuned in.
We grew up as they grew up and we just assumed it would continue on that way.
That is where most of the shock comes from.
Grief is complicated and often difficult to process. It comes and goes in waves as you go through your day and then are randomly hit with the reality that this person just is not here anymore. It’s an experience that is individual to everyone. It can get harder to understand when you’ve lost someone that you don’t actually know.
It’s events like this that remind me that we still carry our younger selves with us even as we grow up. The versions of me that felt loss was not just my 25-year-old self but also my 15-year-old self and my 12-year-old self as well.
Many criticize fans for showing grievance toward a celebrity’s passing, saying that it comes from the presence of toxic parasocial relationships that people create with celebrities. While these relationships do exist and people often cross boundaries when it comes to celebrity interactions, I do not think it’s strange for people to grieve the death of someone they were a fan of.
This feeling is not isolated to just music fans. It moves across fandoms as people who inspired us, grew up with us, brought joy to our lives or celebrated championships alongside have passed away.
The death of Kobe Bryant was felt around the world as fans visited memorials with their entire family mourning with them and purple and yellow on display as far as the eye can see.
The recent death of Fernando Valenzuela, former pitcher for the Dodgers, brought fans together to create a memorial at Dodger stadium just before the world series began.
I know people think it’s odd to mourn people we do not know but I believe it’s rather normal from a fan’s perspective. However I don’t think people who live outside fandoms will ever really understand what that loss means.
To grieve someone is to acknowledge the love, care and experiences shared or created by this person and fans deserve their space and time to do so.
