How many children are y’all planning to have? None, EVER! This exchange happened over thanksgiving dinner needless to say, it was awkward. By now I am use to the questions that follow my claim to not have any children of my own in my life.

Here’s a list of comments or questions that follow my claim:

• Why? (Why is there a need to explain myself?)
• I’m not having any grandchildren?! (So you’re ignoring my wants and needs because you want to feel better?)
• So you hate children? (On the contrary, I love children and thoroughly enjoy not having to interact with one 24/7.)
• But you would make a great parent! (I’m a perfectionist, so yes chances are that I’d break my back for the child.)
• Having a child makes you a woman! (Don’t even.)

The latter is the most hurtful, disrespectful, and stupid reason someone can appeal to me for having children. While for some women having a child does make them feel complete, this does not mean that it’s the existential truth for every woman.

If claiming that having a child makes you a woman, then what is your take on those who can’t physically create another being? Does that bring them down a level in womanhood? How insensitive do you have to be?

As a person who has known since the age of 15 that she doesn’t want children, I am exhausted of having to explain to everybody why I chose not to have any.

I have learned that saying ‘I’m selfish’ has been able to end discussions with people. However I am tired of identifying as selfish.

I am not selfish. I am confident, intelligent, and determined.

I am confident and clear in my decision. When I think about my future I don’t imagine the great American home with the white picket fence and children playing in the yard. My ideal future requires extensive traveling, immersing in various cultures, gaining an understanding of other humans in this world.

I am intelligent enough to know that the way I believe a child should be brought up wouldn’t fit this agenda. Every day I get more discouraged about the future of this world and I consider it extremely unfair to make another human experience a terrible world.

I am determined. I am determined to not settle for what society expects of me because of my gender. I will not be pressured into having a child. I will not settle for anything less of my goals and aspirations. I refuse!

I am aware that some people have managed to raise children even with a busy agenda and I respect that. PROPS TO YOU!

However, I know that it when it comes to me I’d be completely overwhelmed and constantly feeling like someone is stopping me from achieving my goals. These negative thoughts shouldn’t be projected on a child.

Lastly, for those who claim that I’ll someday change my mind let me burst your bubble and say NO. It’s not going to happen.

Next time you come across a woman, don’t just assume that she will have children. Instead of asking when or how many children she’s having, ask her about her goals and aspirations. That will allow you to gain insight on what makes her feel worthy.